October 18, 2017: MOB SHAMING & ITS DEADLY CONSEQUENCES

Previously aired on July 5, 2016. 

Have you ever heard of the expression ‘mob shaming?’ It’s formal definition is “a large group or crowd of people who are angry or difficult to control. Mob shaming has happened since the beginning of civilization and with the invention of social media and the internet, a cyber mob can dole out more damage than the stereotypical torch-and-pitchforks horde. It’s hard to imagine being the subject of such hate, but one 18-year-old, Tyler Clementi, didn’t have to. Clementi was a talented violinist and a freshman at Rutgers University when he was outed by his college roommate as gay by having an intimate encounter secretly streamed live not only to the entire campus, but to the world via Twitter. He experienced it, paid the ultimate price for it, and remains an example of not only how mob shaming can affect a person, but the struggles that LGBT youth face. Now, Tyler Clementi’s mother, Jane, and older brother, James, join us to talk about their personal tragedy and how they turned his death into something powerful.

To see the full mob shaming Retro Report video, The Outrage Machine, click here.

And for more information on the Tyler Clementi Foundation, click here.

TRANSCRIPT

REPORT THAT EXAMINES A STORY THAT MADE HEADLINES, IN THE PROCESS BASICALLY RUINED LIVES.

JUDGING WHAT IS CONSIDERED SHAMEFUL BEHAVIOR HAS LONG BEEN PART OF OUR CULTURE.

HAD TO WALK THROUGH THE TOWN WITH THE SCARLET A BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY HAD TO TAKE IT OFF.

WHEN YOU POST SOMETHING REPUTATIONALLY DAMAGING IT IS LIKE ON YOUR HEAD AND PROJECTED THROUGHOUT THE WORLD AND YOU CAN'T ERASE IT.

MANY ARGUE SHAME CAN SOMETIMES BE PUT TO GOOD USE BUT DANIELLE SAYS IN HER BOOK A MOB MEANT CAN TAKE OVER.

ESPECIALLY ONLINE.

IF YOU FEEL YOU'RE IN A GROUP AND PEOPLE ARE ACTING IN AN EXTREME MANNER, YOU THINK EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING IT, IT'S TOTALLY ACCEPTABLE.

WHEN PEOPLE GET CAUGHT UP IN SHAMING THEY WILL OFTEN SAY THEY DID IT FOR FUN.

HAD TROLLING MENTALITY OF I GET PLEASURE BECAUSE YOU GET DISPLEASURE.

AND THE SHAMING CYCLE NOW FOLLOWS A FAMILIAR PATTERN.

A LAW SUIT ALL IN THE FAMILY.

FAMILY RELATIVE SUING A BOY OVER AN ACCIDENT AT HIS BIRTHDAY PARTY WHEN HE TURNED OUT.

SHE SAID HE BROKE HER WRIST.

SHE SAID HE GAVE A FORCEFUL HUG.

SHE'S DISGUSTING AND VIAL AND I HOPE SOMEONE BREAKS HER OTHER WRISTS AND LEGS.

SHE'S SUING THE 12-YEAR-OLD BOY FOR $127,000.

THAT'S RIGHT 127,000 OVER A HUG.

SHOULD HAVE BROKE HER NECK.

SHE'S DUBBED THE WORSE EVER, EVEN CALLING HER THE ANTI-CHRIST.

WE CAN CLUB HER TO SHAME HER TO DEATH.

JENNIFER WAS AT HER COUSIN'S SON'S BIRTHDAY PARTY IN 2011 WHEN THE BOY, THEN EIGHT, SAW AUNTY FROM ACROSS THE BACKYARD AND WHAT HAPPENED NEXT BECAME A LAWSUIT.

SHAW RAN UP TO HER WHEN SHE WASN'T LOOKING ANDS LEPT INTO THE ARMS AND SHE FELL BACKWARDS WITH ALL HIS WEIGHT ON HER.

IT BROKE HER WRIST, AN INJURY THAT REQUIRED THREE SURGERIES.

SHE WANTED HER COUSIN'S HOME OWNER INSURANCE TO PAY THE BILLS BUT REFUSED.

THERE'S NO PROVISION FOR BRINGING A DIRECTION ACTION AGAINST A INSURANCE COMPANY YOU HAVE TO SUE SOMEONE.

THAT MEANT NAMING HER COUSIN'S SON AS AT DEFENDANT IN HER $127,000 LAWSUIT.

THERE WAS NEVER ANY CLAIM FOR SEAN'S PERSONAL ASSETS OR ANYTHING THAT WOULD SUGGEST THAT.

NOR WAS THERE ANY IL L-WILL IN THE FAMILY BUT WHEN WENT TO TRIAL IN 2015 A REPORTER CAST THE INSURANCE LAWSUIT IN A DIFFERENT LIGHT, AN EMOTIONAL APPEAL, ABOUT A CHILD ON TRIAL FOR EXUBERANCE.

SO I GET A MESSAGE THAT SAYS LOCK DOWN YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA AND I'M THINKING WHAT DOES THAT MEAN.

WHEN THE VERDICT CAME THE NEXT HEADLINE GOT MORE ATTENTION.

THIS MARSHALL APPEARED IN THE BACK OF THE COURT AND SAID SHE'S HERE FOR YOU, FOR YOUR PROTECTION.

DO I NEED PROTECTING.

I'M JUST NOT FOLLOWING WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE.

IT JUST KEPT GROWING.

YET ANOTHER FALL FOR THE 54-YEAR-OLD CONNELL WHO TRIED TO AVOID THE MEDIA.

SHE LEFT THE COURTHOUSE LIKELY IN NEED OF A HUG.

AUNT SUES NEPHEW FOR HUGGING HER.

THAT ONE CATCH LINE SO DISTORTED A STORY RYAN LINE.

BUT THE STAGE WAS SET AND SHE WAS CAST AS AT SNOBBY NEW YORKER.

I WAS TRYING TO ILLUSTRATE HOW TURNING MY PALM FACE UP WAS VERY DIFFICULT AND MADE UNFORTUNATE COMMENT I WAS JUST AT A PARTY HOLDING THIS A LITTLE BIT PLATE WITH THE FOOD ON IT AND WAS ONLY ABLE TO HOLD IT FEW MINUTES BEFORE MY WRIST WAS PAINFUL AND I HAD TO PUT THE PLATE DOWN WHICH BECAME THE INFAMOUS UPPER EAST SIDE OR DOR COMMENT.

TESTIFIED I WAS A PARTY, WAS DIFFICULT TO HOLD MY OR DORVE PLATE.

WAS DIFFICULT TO HOLD MY PLATE.

OH, THE HORROR.

THE SHEER HORROR.

IT WAS SO PICKED UP BY THE MAIN STREAM MEDIA THAT IT BECAME ALMOST NORMAL.

WANT TO MENTION LEFT HIS MOM LAST YEAR SHE PASSED AWAY.

THE FACT HIS MOTHER DIED MIGHT HAVE TO DO WITH WHY SHE'S SUING BECAUSE HE MAY HAVE A TRUST.

CONNELL REACHED OUT TO A PUBLICIST TO ADVICE HER TO DO SOMETHING TO GET AHEAD OF THE STORY.

THE CONDEMNATION CAME FAST AND FURIOUS.

IT WASN'T FAIR.

IT WAS A FORMALITIES WITH AN INSURANCE CLAIM.

I FELT LIKE EVERYBODY WAS SAYING STUFF THAT THEY DIDN'T KNOW.

I THINK IT'S A GOOD LESSON FOR EVERYBODY THAT YOU THINK YOU KNOW A STORY BUT YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON BEHIND IT.

BUT THE DAMAGE WAS DONE.

CONNELL'S NAME WILL PERMANENTLY BE LINKED TO THE ORIGINAL STORY.

SO AWFUL WHAT HAPPENED IN SHAMING, THE NARRATIVE IS SPREAD FAR AND WIDE, IT'S REALLY HARD TO DISASSEMBLE IT.

THERE'S A FACEBOOK PAGE.

MANY OF MY FRIENDS HAVE QUOTE UNQUOTE REPORTED IT TO FACEBOOK AND FACEBOOK KEEPS RESPONDING BACK SAYING WE'VE REVIEWED THIS PAGE AND FIND THAT IT DOES NOT VIOLATE OUR COMMUNITY STANDARDS.

MONTH LATER CONNELL HAS CHANGED THE WAY SHE LOOKS AND IS STILL STRUGGLING TO PUT THE EXPERIENCE BEHIND HER.

IT WAS VERY DIFFICULT TO FIND ANOTHER JOB.

PEOPLE REACHED OUT AND THEN CANCELLED INTERVIEWS AND THEN SAID OH, WE'VE CHANGED OUR DIRECTION, OR YOU KNOW U WE'VE DECIDED NOT TO MOVE FORWARD.

HAD I HAD TO TAKE CERTAIN MEASURES IN ORDER TO REESTABLISH MYSELF.

AND I HAVE A REFRESHED IDENTITY.

WHICH WE WON'T GO INTO ANY FURTHER.

TALK ABOUT COERCED EXPRESSION.

TO TOTALLY CHANGE YOUR IDENTITY.

THERE ARE ECONOMIC, SOCIAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL COSTS THAT ARE REALLY HARD TO GET BACK.

WHEN I FIRST STARTED WORKING ON THESE ISSUES, YOU KNOW, THE COMMON RESPONSE ANY TIME PEOPLE WOULD TALK ABOUT THEIR HARASSMENT EXPERIENCES WAS STOP WHINING, THE INTERNET IS THE WILD WEST, GET OVER YOURSELF.

I THINK THIS IDEA SEEMS SO SILLY NOW.

TEN OR ELEVEN YEARS LATER WE NOW SAY THIS IS NOT THE WILD WEST.

HAD IS WHERE WE ALL ARE.

THAT IS YOUR PHONES, YOUR iPADS, YOUR COMPUTERS, IT'S EMBEDDED IN EVERYTHING WE DO.

SO IT'S NOT SOME OTHER PLACE WITH DIFFERENT NORMS, IT'S WHERE WE ARE AND IN OUR SPACE WITH OUR NORMS.

TO DRIVE HOME THE REAL-LIFE IMPACT WHAT HAPPENS ONLINE JUST NOW SPORTS MADE A VIDEO OF MEN READING TWEETS WRITTEN BY OTHER PEOPLE BY FEMALE SPORTS REPORTERS FACE TO FACE S OF THE MEN HADN'T SEEN THE TWEETS IN ADVANCE.

I HAVE TO READ THEM I GUESS.

I HOPE YOU GET RAPED AGAIN.

OH.

AH.

YOU NEED TO BE HIT IN THE HEAD WITH A HOCKEY PUCK AND KILLED.

IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT WHEN WE THINK ABOUT SHAMING AND BUS AND HARASSMENT THAT WE REMEMBER THAT EXPRESSION IS OFTEN DESIGNED TO STOP OTHER EXPRESSION.

SHE'S MAKING SURE SHE'S CAUTIOUS.

THE INTERNET ISA POWERFUL TOOL AND WE HAVE TO THINK CAREFULLY ABOUT LIMITING SPEECH ONLINE.

ERS OF THERE'S POTENT APPLIED WE DON'T WANT TO LOSE.

WHEN IT COMES TO LIMITING SPEECH IN ORDER TO PRESERVE FREE SPEECH SHE SAYS IT IS UP TO ALL OF US TO KEEP THE DELICATE BALANCE IN CHECK.

I'M HOPING IT IS A COMBINATION OF LAW AND PRIVATE PROVIDERS AND SCHOOLS AND PARENTS AND MODERATORS OF CONTENT SO WE COME TOGETHER AND SAY THIS IS NOT THE WAY WE WANT TO LIVE.

IT IS DIFFICULT TO IMAGINE BEING THE SUBJECT OF SUCH HATE BUT HAPPENS EVERY DAY.

RECENTLY PRINCE WILLIAMS ANNOUNCED AN AMBITIOUS PLAN TO BRING TOGETHER AN INDUSTRY-WIDE TASK FORCE TO TACKLE THE ISSUES, SENIORS FROM FACEBOOK AND GOOGLE AND SNAPCHAT ARE AMONG HIS FORMER BULLYING.

MONICA LEWINKSI'S TRANSFORMATION WAS SUFFERED AT THE HANDS OF A CYBER MOM IN 2010 PAID THE ULTIMATE PRICE.

IT WAS TYLER -- IF YOU DON'T REMEMBER HIM, YOU SHOULD, HE WAS AN ACCOMPLISHED VIOLINIST AND BICYCLIST AND FRESHMAN.

WHEN HE FOUND OUT HE WAS OUTED BY HIS COLLEGE ROOMMATE BUT THAT HIS INTIMATE ENCOUNTERS HAD BEEN SECRETLY STREAMED LIVE ACROSS THE COLLEGE CAMPUS AND TO THE WORLD.

IT'S STRESS OF THE MOB SHAMING WAS TOO DIFFICULT FOR TYLER TO HANDLE AND SEPTEMBER 22, 2010, TYLER LEFT A NOTE, JUMPING OFF THE DW BRIDGE, SORRY.

THE ULTIMATE RESULT OF TRAGEDY AND DANGER OF CYBER BULLYING AND STRUGGLES FACING THE LGBTQ.

SINCE HIS PASSING HIS FAMILY HAS A MISSION TO STAND AGAINST BULLY HIS MOTHER AND OLDER BROTHER JOIN US.

NICE TO HAVE YOU BOTH WITH US TO TALK ABOUT THIS VERY IMPORTANT ISSUE.

JAY LET ME START WITH YOU AND THE FOUNDATION, SOMETIMES YOU TRY SOMETIMES DESPERATELY TO FIND SOMETHING POSITIVE TO COME FROM A TRAGEDY AND YOU AND YOUR FAMILY DID SOMETHING, YOU CREATED THE FOUNDATION, WHAT'S THE IDEA BEHIND THE FOUNDATION.

THANK YOU FOR HAVING US HERE TODAY AND SHARING A LITTLE BIT ABOUT WHO TYLER WAS MORE THAN JUST THE HEADLINES.

WE ARE TRYING TO MAKE A POSITIVE IMPACT ON THE WORLD, PUTTING AN END TO ONLINE AND OFF LINE BULLYING THAT'S THE GOAL OF OUR FOUNDATION.

IT WASN'T JUST A QUICK, EASY DECISION FOR ME.

I WAS GOING TO ASK YOU THAT.

IT JUST SEEMED TO BE FORWARD MOTION OF WHAT HAPPENED AND EVOLVED.

WE WERE SURROUNDED BY MANY GOOD PEOPLE.

WE WANTED TO DO SOMETHING GOOD.

I COULDN'T SEE WHAT THAT WOULD BE.

WAS IN SUCH A DARK SPACE THAT I COULDN'T SEE ANYTHING GOOD COMING.

BUT SLOWLY THE FOG LIFTED AND I COULD SEE THAT THIS STORY DID HAVE A LOT OF ATTENTION AND I COULD SEE THERE WERE A LOT OF GREAT CONVERSATIONS THAT WERE STARTED AND BECAUSE OF THOSE CONVERSATIONS MANY PEOPLE FELT THEY COULD COME OUT OR MANY PEOPLE STARTED TALKING ABOUT BULLYING, CYBER BULLYING, WHAT COULD BE DONE ABOUT IT.

I THOUGHT SHOULD USE TYLER'S STORY FOR GOOD.

I'M GRATEFUL TO TELL HIS STORY.

HOW WAS IT TO BE A MOTHER TO BE EMPOWERED TO USE THIS STORY FOR SOME GOOD.

IT WAS A VERY LONG PROCESS.

LONGER THAN SOME THINK, OTHER PEOPLE SAY NOT SO LONG.

I WAS IN A DARK PLACE.

ALSO I WANTED TO HOLD ON TO TYLER AND PART OF THAT WAS NOT WANTING TO SHARE HIM WITH ANYONE.

I GUESS IT TOOK A LOT TO JUST EVEN START ON THAT JOURNEY.

WE DIDN'T DO OUR FIRST INTERVIEW UNTIL DECEMBER 2011.

EVEN AT THAT POINT I WAS VERY FOGGY.

VERY OVERWHELMED BY THE TRAGEDY AND LOSS AND GRIEF.

AND I MUST SAY I DON'T REALLY THINK THINGS GOT CLEARER IN MY HEAD UNTIL THIS PAST YEAR.

AND THEN WITH THAT COMES THE ONGOING GRIEF OF GRIEVING IN REALITY.

I THINK FROM THE TRAUMA OF THE LOSS, VERY DIFFICULT.

LET ME TALK WITH YOU JAMES.

I SEEN HOW YOU HAVE TALKED ABOUT THE IDEA THAT YOU AND I'LL LETTER SHARED THE MOTION THE IDEA THAT YOU AND TYLER SHARED THE MOTION OF BEING GAY BEFORE GOING TO COLLEGE BECAUSE YOU WERE ALSO IN THE PROCESS OF DEALING WITH BEING A YOUNG, GAY MAN.

WHAT WAS THE CONVERSATION YOU HAD WITH HIM BEFORE HEADING OFF TO RUCKER.

SURE IN THE SUMMER OF 2010, A MONTH AFTER TYLER GRADUATED FROM HIGH SCHOOL, WE DID COME OUT TO EACH OTHER.

I HAD RECENTLY MOVED BACK HOME AFTER BEING AWAY AT COLLEGE.

I WAS OUT IN COLLEGE TO MY FRIENDS AND CLASS MATES BUT ONCE I WAS AT HOME I WASN'T READY TO COME OUT YET TO MY FAMILY.

I REALIZED AS TYLER WAS LEAVING FOR SCHOOL THAT IT WAS IMPORTANT FOR HIM TO KNOW I WAS GAY.

I HAD SUSPECTED HE MIGHT ALSO BE GAY BUT I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

BUT I JUST WANTED TO BE OPEN WITH HIM AND TO START THE PROCESS OF BEING MYSELF AND LETTING HIM KNOW THAT HE HAD THE SPACE TO BE HIMSELF AND HE WOULD FIND ACCEPTANCE AND SUPPORT.

AND I THINK TYLER WAS VERY RELIEVED AND I JUST FELT WHEN I CAME OUT TO HIM I WASN'T PUTTING HIM ON THE SPOT OR ASKING HIM TO COME OUT BUT HE WANTED TO AND HE TOOK THE STEP TO LET ME KNOW.

I FELT A SENSE OF RELIEF AND HAPPINESS COMING FROM HIM.

HE WAS SMILING, LAUGHING, IT WAS JUST A VERY EASY CONVERSATION TO HAVE, MUCH EASIER THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE.

IN THAT MOMENT IT SEEMED EVERYTHING WAS IN A VERY POSITIVE PLACE.

A LOT OF NEW DOORS WERE GOING TO BE OPENING UP FOR TYLER AND I FELT A TREMENDOUS SENSE OF EXCITEMENT FOR HIM AND ALL OF THE NEW EXPERIENCES HE WOULD BE HAVING IN SCHOOL.

HOW DID WHAT HE WAS SUBJECTED TO, AND ULTIMATELY THE TRAGIC LOSS OF LIFE, OF HIS LIFE, HOW DID THAT IMPACT YOUR THEN ABILITY TO COME OUT TO FAMILY MEMBERS AND TO PEOPLE WHO DIDN'T KNOW WHO YOU HADN'T SHARED THIS WITH YET.

THE LOSS OF MY BROTHER REALLY PUT EVERYTHING ELSE INTO PERSPECTIVE FOR ME.

IF ANYTHING I FELT I NEEDED TO BE AUTHENTIC AND OPEN AND ALSO REALIZE THAT I WAS GOING TO FIND SUPPORT IN MY FAMILY AND FROM PEOPLE I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW.

BECAUSE I JUST REALLY SAW SO MANY PEOPLE BEING EFFECTED BY TYLER'S DEATH, MOST OF ALL MY MOM AND DAD WHO HAVE BECOME SUCH OUTSPOKEN ADVOCATES FOR THE LGBT COMMUNITY SINCE LOSING TYLER.

I JUST, I REALIZE THAT THERE WERE NO BARRIERS BETWEEN MY FAMILY AND MYSELF AND THAT THAT WOULD NOT BE AN ISSUE FOR THEM AT ALL.

AS YOU'VE DECIDED TO MOVE FORWARD WITH THE FOUNDATION, BE MORE VISIBLE, TO AGAIN OFFER ADVICE AND HELP AND GUIDANCE AS BEST YOU CAN FOR PEOPLE.

WHAT WOULD YOU SAY THEN, IF YOU GOT A PHONE CALL FROM A PARENT SAYING I DON'T WANT TO INTRUDE ON YOUR LIFE BUT I KNOW YOU HAVE THIS FOUNDATION.

AND I SUSPECT THAT MY CHILD IS GAY OR LESBIAN.

OR EVEN STRUGGLING WITH THEIR SEXUAL IDENTITY.

AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT I SHOULD DO.

WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO THAT PERSON.

THERE'S NO CLEAR ANSWER ON WHAT WOULD WORK BEST FOR EVERYONE.

BUT I CERTAINLY WOULD SAY BUILD A SUPPORTIVE ENVIRONMENT, ONE THAT WOULD ENTAIL TRUST ON BOTH PARTIES.

SO BY MAKING OPEN CONVERSATIONS AND CERTAINLY IF YOU HAVE, IF IT'S IN RELATION TO ORIENTATION, THERE'S LOTS OF REASONS TO HAVE BARRIER BELIEFS BUT IF IT'S IN THE LGBT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT COMING OUT I WOULD BUILD A TRUSTING RELATIONSHIP, AN OPEN CONVERSATION AND DIALOGUE, SPEAKING OPENLY ABOUT SEXUAL ORIENTATION.

IF YOU HAVE FRIENDS, YOU KNOW.

I THINK PART OF THAT IS SOME OF THE THINGS THAT JAMES AND TYLER DIDN'T SEE, IS WE DIDN'T HAVE MANY LGBT FRIENDS PRIOR TO THEIR COMING OUT.

I HAD CO-WORKERS AND PEOPLE IN MY LIFE.

BUT NOT NECESSARILY IN OUR HOME LIFE.

AND I THINK SOMETIMES ACTION AND SYMBOLS ARE VISUAL.

I'M A VISUAL TYPE OF PERSON.

MAYBE SOMETIMES LOUDER THAN WORDS SOMETIMES AND CERTAINLY ALLOWING YOUR CHILDREN'S FRIENDS INTO THE HOME AND TO NOT SAY DEROGATORY WORDS OR USE HOMO PHOBIC SLANG WORDS, SOME OF IT IS JUST COMMON SENSE.

SOMETIMES WE JUST NEED TO USE COMMON SENSE IN CREATING A SAFE ENVIRONMENT.

JAMES WILL I ASK THE SIMILAR QUESTION FROM THE PERSPECTIVE OF A YOUNG SON OR DAUGHTER AND SOMEONE SAID YOU HAVE LIVED THROUGH THIS, THE LOSS OF YOUR BROTHER, AND I'M STRUGGLING, AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT I SHOULD DO, AND HOW I SHOULD APPROACH THIS IN TERMS OF MY PARENTS AND FRIENDS, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO THEM.

I THINK AS SOON AS YOU'RE ABLE TO ACTUALLY HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH SOMEONE OUT LOUD ALL OF THOSE STRUGGLES AND BARRIERS THAT WE BUILD UP REALLY JUST GO AWAY.

I THINK A LOT OF TIMES PEOPLE FEEL THERE'S SOME SORT OF SHAME OR STIGMA THAT IS PREVENTING THEM FROM BEING ABLE TO SPEAK AND BE HONEST.

ALSO WE FEAR PEOPLE'S REACTION.

I THINK IN TERMS OF COMING OUT TO FAMILY ESPECIALLY IT'S VERY DIFFICULT.

ESPECIALLY FOR A YOUNG PERSON.

THEY'RE REALLY DEPENDENT ON THEIR FAMILY FOR FINANCIAL SUPPORT AND PLACE TO BE IN THE WORLD.

SOMETIMES PARENTS ARE THE LAST PEOPLE WE COME OUT TO.

MIGHT BE OUT TO OUR FRIENDS AND TEACHERS AND THE WORLD BUT CAN'T TALK TO OUR PARENTS.

WHY DO YOU THINK THAT IS?

SOME THINK THE FIRST PERSON WOULD BE A PERSON, YET WE SEE FREQUENTLY, NOT A CONDEMNATION, BUT IT MIGHT BE THE LAST PERSON WHY DO YOU THINK.

I THINK FOR ME IT WAS KNOWING ONCE I SAID THOSE WORDS THAT I COULDN'T TAKE IT BACK.

YOU REALLY DON'T KNOW HOW THIS RELATIONSHIP WILL CHANGE AND THERE WILL BE A CHANGE.

JUST BEING HONEST AND HAVE IT BEING OUT THERE YOU WILL BE CONFRONTED WITH A REACTION WHETHER POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE, NOT KNOWING HOW THE REACTION WILL BE AND IF YOU WILL GET THE SUPPORT YOU NEED AND WANT SO MUCH CAN CAUSE PEOPLE TO DELAY TELLING THEIR FAMILIES OR JUST MAKE IT A MUCH HARDER THING THAN IT REALLY NEEDS TO BE.

WE PUT A LOT OF EMPHASIS ON LGBT PEOPLE COMING OUT.

I THINK SOMETIMES MORE UP TO THE COMMUNITY, THE FAMILY AROUND THEM TO NOT PUSH THEM OUT BUT MAKE IT CLEAR THERE'S SUPPORT THERE, HAVING YOUR PARENTS TALK ABOUT THEIR LGBT FRIENDS OR CO-WORKERS AND MAKING IT CLEAR THEY ACCEPT AND LOVE THOSE PEOPLE SENDS THE MESSAGE THAT WHEN YOU'RE READY I'M HERE TO SUPPORT YOU.

HE OFTEN LOOK AT THESE TRAGEIES AND HOPE SOMETHING CAN COME OUT OF IT, SOMETHING POSITIVE, AND MY SENSE WAS WHEN TYLER'S STORY WAS PLAYING OUT, SO MANY PEOPLE WERE SAYING HE'S A MARVELOUS YOUNG MAN, WHAT A SENSELESS, HORRIBLE LOSS, WHAT COULD WE HAVE DONE?

DO YOU HAVE ANY SENSE THAT IT'S GOTTEN BETTER AT ALL.

I DO SEE IMPROVEMENTS.

I THINK AFTER THE FALL OF 2010 THERE WERE SEVERAL DEATHS THE MEDIA PICKED UP ON AFTER TYLERS.

PEOPLE CAME OUT PUBLICLY.

PUBLIC FIGURES, COMING OUT TO THEIR FAMILY AND FRIENDS, COMING OUT PUBLICLY THAT MADE A GREAT STATEMENT.

THERE WERE MANY CHARACTERS IN MEDIA, SOCIAL TV SITUATIONS, BEING PORTRAYED IN A BETTER POSITIVE LIGHT.

THANKS TO A LOT OF ORGANIZATIONS LIKE GLAD.

HRC IS DOING GREAT THINGS.

I CERTAINLY THINK HAVING DECISION DAY LAST YEAR WHERE THE SUPREME COURT RULED IN FAVOR OF MARRIAGE EQUALITY SENDS A GREAT MESSAGE.

EVEN IF THEY ARE NOT LOOKING TO GET MARRIED THEY ARE La LOOKING TO BE INCLUDED WITH ALL THE RIGHTS AS EVERYONE ELSE.

UNFORTUNATELY WE HAVE A LOT MORE WORK TO DO.

I THINK WE HAVE TO STOP THE MISGUIDED TEACHINGS THAT INCREASE YOUR BIAS AND PREJUDICE, DISCRIMINATION, THAT MAKES US REACT WITH HATE.

WE SAW IT JUST TWO WEEKS AGO IN ORLANDO.

COULD HAPPEN QUICKLY, IN THE TAKING OF A LIFE LIKE THAT.

OR IT COULD HAVE THE ONGOING TOLL THAT HAPPENS, CONTINUAL BIAS OR HUMILIATING SOMEONE IN PERSON OR IN THE CYBER WORLD THAT HAPPENS SO OFTEN TODAY.

WE NEED TO PUT AN END TO THE BULLYING AS WELL AS THE PHYSICAL HARM.

THE BULLYING LEADS TO SELF-HARMING BEHAVIORS.

COULD BE IN FEW CASES AS DRASTIC AS TYLERS BUT WE NEED TO STOP THAT.

I THINK IT'S POSSIBLE.

I THINK WE'RE MOVING.

WE'RE GETTING THERE.

BUT WE NEED TO CHANGE A LOT OF HEARTS AND MINDS.

LEGISLATION IS GOOD.

AFTER TYLER'S PASSING MANY BILLS WERE PASSED ON ANTI BULLYING, I THINK THAT'S GREAT.

BUT SOMETIMES WE, IT'S SOMETIMES BETTER TO CHANGE SOMEBODY'S HEART AND MIND AND MAKE THEM NOT WANT TO HUMILIATE SOMEONE.

LET'S GO FURTHER UP STREAM AND PREVENT PEOPLE FROM HARASSING OTHER PEOPLE.

AS YOU SAID, SOME PROGRESS, MUCH TO BE DONE.

I'M CERTAIN THAT TYLER WOULD BE PROUD OF WHAT YOU'RE DOING IN HIS MEMORY.

I HOPE SO.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOUR SPENDING TIME WITH US.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

TO FIND OUT MORE, VISIT US ONLINE AT METROFOCUS.ORG.

IF YOU HAVE BEEN A VICTORY OF MOB SHAMING OR BULLYING OR CYBER HARASSMENT LOG ON TO METROFOCUS.ORG FOR MORE INFORMATION.

Announcer: FUNDING FOR THIS PROGRAM WAS PROVIDED BY --

Announcer: CORPORATE FUNDING FOR 'METROFOCUS' WAS PROVIDED BY MUTUAL OF AMERICA, YOUR RETIREMENT COMPANY, AND BY PSE&G.

REPORT THAT EXAMINES A STORY THAT MADE HEADLINES, IN THE PROCESS BASICALLY RUINED LIVES.

JUDGING WHAT IS CONSIDERED SHAMEFUL BEHAVIOR HAS LONG BEEN PART OF OUR CULTURE.

HAD TO WALK THROUGH THE TOWN WITH THE SCARLET A BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY HAD TO TAKE IT OFF.

WHEN YOU POST SOMETHING REPUTATIONALLY DAMAGING IT IS LIKE ON YOUR HEAD AND PROJECTED THROUGHOUT THE WORLD AND YOU CAN'T ERASE IT.

MANY ARGUE SHAME CAN SOMETIMES BE PUT TO GOOD USE BUT DANIELLE SAYS IN HER BOOK A MOB MEANT CAN TAKE OVER.

ESPECIALLY ONLINE.

IF YOU FEEL YOU'RE IN A GROUP AND PEOPLE ARE ACTING IN AN EXTREME MANNER, YOU THINK EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING IT, IT'S TOTALLY ACCEPTABLE.

WHEN PEOPLE GET CAUGHT UP IN SHAMING THEY WILL OFTEN SAY THEY DID IT FOR FUN.

HAD TROLLING MENTALITY OF I GET PLEASURE BECAUSE YOU GET DISPLEASURE.

AND THE SHAMING CYCLE NOW FOLLOWS A FAMILIAR PATTERN.

A LAW SUIT ALL IN THE FAMILY.

FAMILY RELATIVE SUING A BOY OVER AN ACCIDENT AT HIS BIRTHDAY PARTY WHEN HE TURNED OUT.

SHE SAID HE BROKE HER WRIST.

SHE SAID HE GAVE A FORCEFUL HUG.

SHE'S DISGUSTING AND VIAL AND I HOPE SOMEONE BREAKS HER OTHER WRISTS AND LEGS.

SHE'S SUING THE 12-YEAR-OLD BOY FOR $127,000.

THAT'S RIGHT 127,000 OVER A HUG.

SHOULD HAVE BROKE HER NECK.

SHE'S DUBBED THE WORSE EVER, EVEN CALLING HER THE ANTI-CHRIST.

WE CAN CLUB HER TO SHAME HER TO DEATH.

JENNIFER WAS AT HER COUSIN'S SON'S BIRTHDAY PARTY IN 2011 WHEN THE BOY, THEN EIGHT, SAW AUNTY FROM ACROSS THE BACKYARD AND WHAT HAPPENED NEXT BECAME A LAWSUIT.

SHAW RAN UP TO HER WHEN SHE WASN'T LOOKING ANDS LEPT INTO THE ARMS AND SHE FELL BACKWARDS WITH ALL HIS WEIGHT ON HER.

IT BROKE HER WRIST, AN INJURY THAT REQUIRED THREE SURGERIES.

SHE WANTED HER COUSIN'S HOME OWNER INSURANCE TO PAY THE BILLS BUT REFUSED.

THERE'S NO PROVISION FOR BRINGING A DIRECTION ACTION AGAINST A INSURANCE COMPANY YOU HAVE TO SUE SOMEONE.

THAT MEANT NAMING HER COUSIN'S SON AS AT DEFENDANT IN HER $127,000 LAWSUIT.

THERE WAS NEVER ANY CLAIM FOR SEAN'S PERSONAL ASSETS OR ANYTHING THAT WOULD SUGGEST THAT.

NOR WAS THERE ANY IL L-WILL IN THE FAMILY BUT WHEN WENT TO TRIAL IN 2015 A REPORTER CAST THE INSURANCE LAWSUIT IN A DIFFERENT LIGHT, AN EMOTIONAL APPEAL, ABOUT A CHILD ON TRIAL FOR EXUBERANCE.

SO I GET A MESSAGE THAT SAYS LOCK DOWN YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA AND I'M THINKING WHAT DOES THAT MEAN.

WHEN THE VERDICT CAME THE NEXT HEADLINE GOT MORE ATTENTION.

THIS MARSHALL APPEARED IN THE BACK OF THE COURT AND SAID SHE'S HERE FOR YOU, FOR YOUR PROTECTION.

DO I NEED PROTECTING.

I'M JUST NOT FOLLOWING WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE.

IT JUST KEPT GROWING.

YET ANOTHER FALL FOR THE 54-YEAR-OLD CONNELL WHO TRIED TO AVOID THE MEDIA.

SHE LEFT THE COURTHOUSE LIKELY IN NEED OF A HUG.

AUNT SUES NEPHEW FOR HUGGING HER.

THAT ONE CATCH LINE SO DISTORTED A STORY RYAN LINE.

BUT THE STAGE WAS SET AND SHE WAS CAST AS AT SNOBBY NEW YORKER.

I WAS TRYING TO ILLUSTRATE HOW TURNING MY PALM FACE UP WAS VERY DIFFICULT AND MADE UNFORTUNATE COMMENT I WAS JUST AT A PARTY HOLDING THIS A LITTLE BIT PLATE WITH THE FOOD ON IT AND WAS ONLY ABLE TO HOLD IT FEW MINUTES BEFORE MY WRIST WAS PAINFUL AND I HAD TO PUT THE PLATE DOWN WHICH BECAME THE INFAMOUS UPPER EAST SIDE OR DOR COMMENT.

TESTIFIED I WAS A PARTY, WAS DIFFICULT TO HOLD MY OR DORVE PLATE.

WAS DIFFICULT TO HOLD MY PLATE.

OH, THE HORROR.

THE SHEER HORROR.

IT WAS SO PICKED UP BY THE MAIN STREAM MEDIA THAT IT BECAME ALMOST NORMAL.

WANT TO MENTION LEFT HIS MOM LAST YEAR SHE PASSED AWAY.

THE FACT HIS MOTHER DIED MIGHT HAVE TO DO WITH WHY SHE'S SUING BECAUSE HE MAY HAVE A TRUST.

CONNELL REACHED OUT TO A PUBLICIST TO ADVICE HER TO DO SOMETHING TO GET AHEAD OF THE STORY.

THE CONDEMNATION CAME FAST AND FURIOUS.

IT WASN'T FAIR.

IT WAS A FORMALITIES WITH AN INSURANCE CLAIM.

I FELT LIKE EVERYBODY WAS SAYING STUFF THAT THEY DIDN'T KNOW.

I THINK IT'S A GOOD LESSON FOR EVERYBODY THAT YOU THINK YOU KNOW A STORY BUT YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON BEHIND IT.

BUT THE DAMAGE WAS DONE.

CONNELL'S NAME WILL PERMANENTLY BE LINKED TO THE ORIGINAL STORY.

SO AWFUL WHAT HAPPENED IN SHAMING, THE NARRATIVE IS SPREAD FAR AND WIDE, IT'S REALLY HARD TO DISASSEMBLE IT.

THERE'S A FACEBOOK PAGE.

MANY OF MY FRIENDS HAVE QUOTE UNQUOTE REPORTED IT TO FACEBOOK AND FACEBOOK KEEPS RESPONDING BACK SAYING WE'VE REVIEWED THIS PAGE AND FIND THAT IT DOES NOT VIOLATE OUR COMMUNITY STANDARDS.

MONTH LATER CONNELL HAS CHANGED THE WAY SHE LOOKS AND IS STILL STRUGGLING TO PUT THE EXPERIENCE BEHIND HER.

IT WAS VERY DIFFICULT TO FIND ANOTHER JOB.

PEOPLE REACHED OUT AND THEN CANCELLED INTERVIEWS AND THEN SAID OH, WE'VE CHANGED OUR DIRECTION, OR YOU KNOW U WE'VE DECIDED NOT TO MOVE FORWARD.

HAD I HAD TO TAKE CERTAIN MEASURES IN ORDER TO REESTABLISH MYSELF.

AND I HAVE A REFRESHED IDENTITY.

WHICH WE WON'T GO INTO ANY FURTHER.

TALK ABOUT COERCED EXPRESSION.

TO TOTALLY CHANGE YOUR IDENTITY.

THERE ARE ECONOMIC, SOCIAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL COSTS THAT ARE REALLY HARD TO GET BACK.

WHEN I FIRST STARTED WORKING ON THESE ISSUES, YOU KNOW, THE COMMON RESPONSE ANY TIME PEOPLE WOULD TALK ABOUT THEIR HARASSMENT EXPERIENCES WAS STOP WHINING, THE INTERNET IS THE WILD WEST, GET OVER YOURSELF.

I THINK THIS IDEA SEEMS SO SILLY NOW.

TEN OR ELEVEN YEARS LATER WE NOW SAY THIS IS NOT THE WILD WEST.

HAD IS WHERE WE ALL ARE.

THAT IS YOUR PHONES, YOUR iPADS, YOUR COMPUTERS, IT'S EMBEDDED IN EVERYTHING WE DO.

SO IT'S NOT SOME OTHER PLACE WITH DIFFERENT NORMS, IT'S WHERE WE ARE AND IN OUR SPACE WITH OUR NORMS.

TO DRIVE HOME THE REAL-LIFE IMPACT WHAT HAPPENS ONLINE JUST NOW SPORTS MADE A VIDEO OF MEN READING TWEETS WRITTEN BY OTHER PEOPLE BY FEMALE SPORTS REPORTERS FACE TO FACE S OF THE MEN HADN'T SEEN THE TWEETS IN ADVANCE.

I HAVE TO READ THEM I GUESS.

I HOPE YOU GET RAPED AGAIN.

OH.

AH.

YOU NEED TO BE HIT IN THE HEAD WITH A HOCKEY PUCK AND KILLED.

IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT WHEN WE THINK ABOUT SHAMING AND BUS AND HARASSMENT THAT WE REMEMBER THAT EXPRESSION IS OFTEN DESIGNED TO STOP OTHER EXPRESSION.

SHE'S MAKING SURE SHE'S CAUTIOUS.

THE INTERNET ISA POWERFUL TOOL AND WE HAVE TO THINK CAREFULLY ABOUT LIMITING SPEECH ONLINE.

ERS OF THERE'S POTENT APPLIED WE DON'T WANT TO LOSE.

WHEN IT COMES TO LIMITING SPEECH IN ORDER TO PRESERVE FREE SPEECH SHE SAYS IT IS UP TO ALL OF US TO KEEP THE DELICATE BALANCE IN CHECK.

I'M HOPING IT IS A COMBINATION OF LAW AND PRIVATE PROVIDERS AND SCHOOLS AND PARENTS AND MODERATORS OF CONTENT SO WE COME TOGETHER AND SAY THIS IS NOT THE WAY WE WANT TO LIVE.

IT IS DIFFICULT TO IMAGINE BEING THE SUBJECT OF SUCH HATE BUT HAPPENS EVERY DAY.

RECENTLY PRINCE WILLIAMS ANNOUNCED AN AMBITIOUS PLAN TO BRING TOGETHER AN INDUSTRY-WIDE TASK FORCE TO TACKLE THE ISSUES, SENIORS FROM FACEBOOK AND GOOGLE AND SNAPCHAT ARE AMONG HIS FORMER BULLYING.

MONICA LEWINKSI'S TRANSFORMATION WAS SUFFERED AT THE HANDS OF A CYBER MOM IN 2010 PAID THE ULTIMATE PRICE.

IT WAS TYLER -- IF YOU DON'T REMEMBER HIM, YOU SHOULD, HE WAS AN ACCOMPLISHED VIOLINIST AND BICYCLIST AND FRESHMAN.

WHEN HE FOUND OUT HE WAS OUTED BY HIS COLLEGE ROOMMATE BUT THAT HIS INTIMATE ENCOUNTERS HAD BEEN SECRETLY STREAMED LIVE ACROSS THE COLLEGE CAMPUS AND TO THE WORLD.

IT'S STRESS OF THE MOB SHAMING WAS TOO DIFFICULT FOR TYLER TO HANDLE AND SEPTEMBER 22, 2010, TYLER LEFT A NOTE, JUMPING OFF THE DW BRIDGE, SORRY.

THE ULTIMATE RESULT OF TRAGEDY AND DANGER OF CYBER BULLYING AND STRUGGLES FACING THE LGBTQ.

SINCE HIS PASSING HIS FAMILY HAS A MISSION TO STAND AGAINST BULLY HIS MOTHER AND OLDER BROTHER JOIN US.

NICE TO HAVE YOU BOTH WITH US TO TALK ABOUT THIS VERY IMPORTANT ISSUE.

JAY LET ME START WITH YOU AND THE FOUNDATION, SOMETIMES YOU TRY SOMETIMES DESPERATELY TO FIND SOMETHING POSITIVE TO COME FROM A TRAGEDY AND YOU AND YOUR FAMILY DID SOMETHING, YOU CREATED THE FOUNDATION, WHAT'S THE IDEA BEHIND THE FOUNDATION.

THANK YOU FOR HAVING US HERE TODAY AND SHARING A LITTLE BIT ABOUT WHO TYLER WAS MORE THAN JUST THE HEADLINES.

WE ARE TRYING TO MAKE A POSITIVE IMPACT ON THE WORLD, PUTTING AN END TO ONLINE AND OFF LINE BULLYING THAT'S THE GOAL OF OUR FOUNDATION.

IT WASN'T JUST A QUICK, EASY DECISION FOR ME.

I WAS GOING TO ASK YOU THAT.

IT JUST SEEMED TO BE FORWARD MOTION OF WHAT HAPPENED AND EVOLVED.

WE WERE SURROUNDED BY MANY GOOD PEOPLE.

WE WANTED TO DO SOMETHING GOOD.

I COULDN'T SEE WHAT THAT WOULD BE.

WAS IN SUCH A DARK SPACE THAT I COULDN'T SEE ANYTHING GOOD COMING.

BUT SLOWLY THE FOG LIFTED AND I COULD SEE THAT THIS STORY DID HAVE A LOT OF ATTENTION AND I COULD SEE THERE WERE A LOT OF GREAT CONVERSATIONS THAT WERE STARTED AND BECAUSE OF THOSE CONVERSATIONS MANY PEOPLE FELT THEY COULD COME OUT OR MANY PEOPLE STARTED TALKING ABOUT BULLYING, CYBER BULLYING, WHAT COULD BE DONE ABOUT IT.

I THOUGHT SHOULD USE TYLER'S STORY FOR GOOD.

I'M GRATEFUL TO TELL HIS STORY.

HOW WAS IT TO BE A MOTHER TO BE EMPOWERED TO USE THIS STORY FOR SOME GOOD.

IT WAS A VERY LONG PROCESS.

LONGER THAN SOME THINK, OTHER PEOPLE SAY NOT SO LONG.

I WAS IN A DARK PLACE.

ALSO I WANTED TO HOLD ON TO TYLER AND PART OF THAT WAS NOT WANTING TO SHARE HIM WITH ANYONE.

I GUESS IT TOOK A LOT TO JUST EVEN START ON THAT JOURNEY.

WE DIDN'T DO OUR FIRST INTERVIEW UNTIL DECEMBER 2011.

EVEN AT THAT POINT I WAS VERY FOGGY.

VERY OVERWHELMED BY THE TRAGEDY AND LOSS AND GRIEF.

AND I MUST SAY I DON'T REALLY THINK THINGS GOT CLEARER IN MY HEAD UNTIL THIS PAST YEAR.

AND THEN WITH THAT COMES THE ONGOING GRIEF OF GRIEVING IN REALITY.

I THINK FROM THE TRAUMA OF THE LOSS, VERY DIFFICULT.

LET ME TALK WITH YOU JAMES.

I SEEN HOW YOU HAVE TALKED ABOUT THE IDEA THAT YOU AND I'LL LETTER SHARED THE MOTION THE IDEA THAT YOU AND TYLER SHARED THE MOTION OF BEING GAY BEFORE GOING TO COLLEGE BECAUSE YOU WERE ALSO IN THE PROCESS OF DEALING WITH BEING A YOUNG, GAY MAN.

WHAT WAS THE CONVERSATION YOU HAD WITH HIM BEFORE HEADING OFF TO RUCKER.

SURE IN THE SUMMER OF 2010, A MONTH AFTER TYLER GRADUATED FROM HIGH SCHOOL, WE DID COME OUT TO EACH OTHER.

I HAD RECENTLY MOVED BACK HOME AFTER BEING AWAY AT COLLEGE.

I WAS OUT IN COLLEGE TO MY FRIENDS AND CLASS MATES BUT ONCE I WAS AT HOME I WASN'T READY TO COME OUT YET TO MY FAMILY.

I REALIZED AS TYLER WAS LEAVING FOR SCHOOL THAT IT WAS IMPORTANT FOR HIM TO KNOW I WAS GAY.

I HAD SUSPECTED HE MIGHT ALSO BE GAY BUT I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

BUT I JUST WANTED TO BE OPEN WITH HIM AND TO START THE PROCESS OF BEING MYSELF AND LETTING HIM KNOW THAT HE HAD THE SPACE TO BE HIMSELF AND HE WOULD FIND ACCEPTANCE AND SUPPORT.

AND I THINK TYLER WAS VERY RELIEVED AND I JUST FELT WHEN I CAME OUT TO HIM I WASN'T PUTTING HIM ON THE SPOT OR ASKING HIM TO COME OUT BUT HE WANTED TO AND HE TOOK THE STEP TO LET ME KNOW.

I FELT A SENSE OF RELIEF AND HAPPINESS COMING FROM HIM.

HE WAS SMILING, LAUGHING, IT WAS JUST A VERY EASY CONVERSATION TO HAVE, MUCH EASIER THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE.

IN THAT MOMENT IT SEEMED EVERYTHING WAS IN A VERY POSITIVE PLACE.

A LOT OF NEW DOORS WERE GOING TO BE OPENING UP FOR TYLER AND I FELT A TREMENDOUS SENSE OF EXCITEMENT FOR HIM AND ALL OF THE NEW EXPERIENCES HE WOULD BE HAVING IN SCHOOL.

HOW DID WHAT HE WAS SUBJECTED TO, AND ULTIMATELY THE TRAGIC LOSS OF LIFE, OF HIS LIFE, HOW DID THAT IMPACT YOUR THEN ABILITY TO COME OUT TO FAMILY MEMBERS AND TO PEOPLE WHO DIDN'T KNOW WHO YOU HADN'T SHARED THIS WITH YET.

THE LOSS OF MY BROTHER REALLY PUT EVERYTHING ELSE INTO PERSPECTIVE FOR ME.

IF ANYTHING I FELT I NEEDED TO BE AUTHENTIC AND OPEN AND ALSO REALIZE THAT I WAS GOING TO FIND SUPPORT IN MY FAMILY AND FROM PEOPLE I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW.

BECAUSE I JUST REALLY SAW SO MANY PEOPLE BEING EFFECTED BY TYLER'S DEATH, MOST OF ALL MY MOM AND DAD WHO HAVE BECOME SUCH OUTSPOKEN ADVOCATES FOR THE LGBT COMMUNITY SINCE LOSING TYLER.

I JUST, I REALIZE THAT THERE WERE NO BARRIERS BETWEEN MY FAMILY AND MYSELF AND THAT THAT WOULD NOT BE AN ISSUE FOR THEM AT ALL.

AS YOU'VE DECIDED TO MOVE FORWARD WITH THE FOUNDATION, BE MORE VISIBLE, TO AGAIN OFFER ADVICE AND HELP AND GUIDANCE AS BEST YOU CAN FOR PEOPLE.

WHAT WOULD YOU SAY THEN, IF YOU GOT A PHONE CALL FROM A PARENT SAYING I DON'T WANT TO INTRUDE ON YOUR LIFE BUT I KNOW YOU HAVE THIS FOUNDATION.

AND I SUSPECT THAT MY CHILD IS GAY OR LESBIAN.

OR EVEN STRUGGLING WITH THEIR SEXUAL IDENTITY.

AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT I SHOULD DO.

WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO THAT PERSON.

THERE'S NO CLEAR ANSWER ON WHAT WOULD WORK BEST FOR EVERYONE.

BUT I CERTAINLY WOULD SAY BUILD A SUPPORTIVE ENVIRONMENT, ONE THAT WOULD ENTAIL TRUST ON BOTH PARTIES.

SO BY MAKING OPEN CONVERSATIONS AND CERTAINLY IF YOU HAVE, IF IT'S IN RELATION TO ORIENTATION, THERE'S LOTS OF REASONS TO HAVE BARRIER BELIEFS BUT IF IT'S IN THE LGBT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT COMING OUT I WOULD BUILD A TRUSTING RELATIONSHIP, AN OPEN CONVERSATION AND DIALOGUE, SPEAKING OPENLY ABOUT SEXUAL ORIENTATION.

IF YOU HAVE FRIENDS, YOU KNOW.

I THINK PART OF THAT IS SOME OF THE THINGS THAT JAMES AND TYLER DIDN'T SEE, IS WE DIDN'T HAVE MANY LGBT FRIENDS PRIOR TO THEIR COMING OUT.

I HAD CO-WORKERS AND PEOPLE IN MY LIFE.

BUT NOT NECESSARILY IN OUR HOME LIFE.

AND I THINK SOMETIMES ACTION AND SYMBOLS ARE VISUAL.

I'M A VISUAL TYPE OF PERSON.

MAYBE SOMETIMES LOUDER THAN WORDS SOMETIMES AND CERTAINLY ALLOWING YOUR CHILDREN'S FRIENDS INTO THE HOME AND TO NOT SAY DEROGATORY WORDS OR USE HOMO PHOBIC SLANG WORDS, SOME OF IT IS JUST COMMON SENSE.

SOMETIMES WE JUST NEED TO USE COMMON SENSE IN CREATING A SAFE ENVIRONMENT.

JAMES WILL I ASK THE SIMILAR QUESTION FROM THE PERSPECTIVE OF A YOUNG SON OR DAUGHTER AND SOMEONE SAID YOU HAVE LIVED THROUGH THIS, THE LOSS OF YOUR BROTHER, AND I'M STRUGGLING, AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT I SHOULD DO, AND HOW I SHOULD APPROACH THIS IN TERMS OF MY PARENTS AND FRIENDS, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO THEM.

I THINK AS SOON AS YOU'RE ABLE TO ACTUALLY HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH SOMEONE OUT LOUD ALL OF THOSE STRUGGLES AND BARRIERS THAT WE BUILD UP REALLY JUST GO AWAY.

I THINK A LOT OF TIMES PEOPLE FEEL THERE'S SOME SORT OF SHAME OR STIGMA THAT IS PREVENTING THEM FROM BEING ABLE TO SPEAK AND BE HONEST.

ALSO WE FEAR PEOPLE'S REACTION.

I THINK IN TERMS OF COMING OUT TO FAMILY ESPECIALLY IT'S VERY DIFFICULT.

ESPECIALLY FOR A YOUNG PERSON.

THEY'RE REALLY DEPENDENT ON THEIR FAMILY FOR FINANCIAL SUPPORT AND PLACE TO BE IN THE WORLD.

SOMETIMES PARENTS ARE THE LAST PEOPLE WE COME OUT TO.

MIGHT BE OUT TO OUR FRIENDS AND TEACHERS AND THE WORLD BUT CAN'T TALK TO OUR PARENTS.

WHY DO YOU THINK THAT IS?

SOME THINK THE FIRST PERSON WOULD BE A PERSON, YET WE SEE FREQUENTLY, NOT A CONDEMNATION, BUT IT MIGHT BE THE LAST PERSON WHY DO YOU THINK.

I THINK FOR ME IT WAS KNOWING ONCE I SAID THOSE WORDS THAT I COULDN'T TAKE IT BACK.

YOU REALLY DON'T KNOW HOW THIS RELATIONSHIP WILL CHANGE AND THERE WILL BE A CHANGE.

JUST BEING HONEST AND HAVE IT BEING OUT THERE YOU WILL BE CONFRONTED WITH A REACTION WHETHER POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE, NOT KNOWING HOW THE REACTION WILL BE AND IF YOU WILL GET THE SUPPORT YOU NEED AND WANT SO MUCH CAN CAUSE PEOPLE TO DELAY TELLING THEIR FAMILIES OR JUST MAKE IT A MUCH HARDER THING THAN IT REALLY NEEDS TO BE.

WE PUT A LOT OF EMPHASIS ON LGBT PEOPLE COMING OUT.

I THINK SOMETIMES MORE UP TO THE COMMUNITY, THE FAMILY AROUND THEM TO NOT PUSH THEM OUT BUT MAKE IT CLEAR THERE'S SUPPORT THERE, HAVING YOUR PARENTS TALK ABOUT THEIR LGBT FRIENDS OR CO-WORKERS AND MAKING IT CLEAR THEY ACCEPT AND LOVE THOSE PEOPLE SENDS THE MESSAGE THAT WHEN YOU'RE READY I'M HERE TO SUPPORT YOU.

HE OFTEN LOOK AT THESE TRAGEIES AND HOPE SOMETHING CAN COME OUT OF IT, SOMETHING POSITIVE, AND MY SENSE WAS WHEN TYLER'S STORY WAS PLAYING OUT, SO MANY PEOPLE WERE SAYING HE'S A MARVELOUS YOUNG MAN, WHAT A SENSELESS, HORRIBLE LOSS, WHAT COULD WE HAVE DONE?

DO YOU HAVE ANY SENSE THAT IT'S GOTTEN BETTER AT ALL.

I DO SEE IMPROVEMENTS.

I THINK AFTER THE FALL OF 2010 THERE WERE SEVERAL DEATHS THE MEDIA PICKED UP ON AFTER TYLERS.

PEOPLE CAME OUT PUBLICLY.

PUBLIC FIGURES, COMING OUT TO THEIR FAMILY AND FRIENDS, COMING OUT PUBLICLY THAT MADE A GREAT STATEMENT.

THERE WERE MANY CHARACTERS IN MEDIA, SOCIAL TV SITUATIONS, BEING PORTRAYED IN A BETTER POSITIVE LIGHT.

THANKS TO A LOT OF ORGANIZATIONS LIKE GLAD.

HRC IS DOING GREAT THINGS.

I CERTAINLY THINK HAVING DECISION DAY LAST YEAR WHERE THE SUPREME COURT RULED IN FAVOR OF MARRIAGE EQUALITY SENDS A GREAT MESSAGE.

EVEN IF THEY ARE NOT LOOKING TO GET MARRIED THEY ARE La LOOKING TO BE INCLUDED WITH ALL THE RIGHTS AS EVERYONE ELSE.

UNFORTUNATELY WE HAVE A LOT MORE WORK TO DO.

I THINK WE HAVE TO STOP THE MISGUIDED TEACHINGS THAT INCREASE YOUR BIAS AND PREJUDICE, DISCRIMINATION, THAT MAKES US REACT WITH HATE.

WE SAW IT JUST TWO WEEKS AGO IN ORLANDO.

COULD HAPPEN QUICKLY, IN THE TAKING OF A LIFE LIKE THAT.

OR IT COULD HAVE THE ONGOING TOLL THAT HAPPENS, CONTINUAL BIAS OR HUMILIATING SOMEONE IN PERSON OR IN THE CYBER WORLD THAT HAPPENS SO OFTEN TODAY.

WE NEED TO PUT AN END TO THE BULLYING AS WELL AS THE PHYSICAL HARM.

THE BULLYING LEADS TO SELF-HARMING BEHAVIORS.

COULD BE IN FEW CASES AS DRASTIC AS TYLERS BUT WE NEED TO STOP THAT.

I THINK IT'S POSSIBLE.

I THINK WE'RE MOVING.

WE'RE GETTING THERE.

BUT WE NEED TO CHANGE A LOT OF HEARTS AND MINDS.

LEGISLATION IS GOOD.

AFTER TYLER'S PASSING MANY BILLS WERE PASSED ON ANTI BULLYING, I THINK THAT'S GREAT.

BUT SOMETIMES WE, IT'S SOMETIMES BETTER TO CHANGE SOMEBODY'S HEART AND MIND AND MAKE THEM NOT WANT TO HUMILIATE SOMEONE.

LET'S GO FURTHER UP STREAM AND PREVENT PEOPLE FROM HARASSING OTHER PEOPLE.

AS YOU SAID, SOME PROGRESS, MUCH TO BE DONE.

I'M CERTAIN THAT TYLER WOULD BE PROUD OF WHAT YOU'RE DOING IN HIS MEMORY.

I HOPE SO.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOUR SPENDING TIME WITH US.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

TO FIND OUT MORE, VISIT US ONLINE AT METROFOCUS.ORG.

IF YOU HAVE BEEN A VICTORY OF MOB SHAMING OR BULLYING OR CYBER HARASSMENT LOG ON TO METROFOCUS.ORG FOR MORE INFORMATION.

Announcer: FUNDING FOR THIS PROGRAM WAS PROVIDED BY --

Announcer: CORPORATE FUNDING FOR 'METROFOCUS' WAS PROVIDED BY MUTUAL OF AMERICA, YOUR RETIREMENT COMPANY, AND BY PSE&G.

Funders

MetroFocus is made possible by James and Merryl Tisch, Sue and Edgar Wachenheim III, the Sylvia A. and Simon B. Poyta Programming Endowment to Fight Anti-Semitism, Bernard and Irene Schwartz, Rosalind P. Walter, Barbara Hope Zuckerberg, Jody and John Arnhold, the Cheryl and Philip Milstein Family, Janet Prindle Seidler, Judy and Josh Weston and the Dr. Robert C. and Tina Sohn Foundation.

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