If Lady Mary Tried Online Dating…

Elisa Lichtenbaum | February 13, 2015

Lady Mary of Downton Abbey on Masterpiece

Lady Mary of Downton Abbey on Masterpiece.

Dear MatchMaven.com,

Thank you for the generous 30-day free trial offer for MatchMaven.com. I’m currently torn between two suitors (or perhaps I simply don’t fancy either of them), so your invitation comes at the perfect time. Here is the information you requested for my profile. I’m new to online dating and live in the 1920s, so please forgive any faux pas.

Lady Mary Crawley

NAME: ArcticHeiress

HOMETOWN: Downton Abbey, England

ABOUT ME: I’m a member of one of England’s most esteemed upper-crust families. I’m a widow and the mother of an adorable young son who will be very rich and powerful someday. I live in a mansion and am extremely pale. I scare men, children, and small animals.

AGE: A true Lady never tells…

BODY TYPE: Emery board


LAST BOOK READ: Wise Parenthood by Marie Stopes. (Currently on loan to my maid and confidante, Anna.)

HOBBIES: Sketching, wearing hats and going upstairs to remove them, arching my eyebrows, perfecting my icy stare

SPORTS: Anything with horses and foolishly misguided suitors.

SMOKING: Absolutely not! It’s horrible for the complexion, and I’ve got my trademark pallor to consider.

MY IDEAL VACATION: One that involves sketching and no exposure to the sun. (See “Smoking” above.)

THE PERSON I MOST ADMIRE: Mr. Carson, our devoted longtime family butler. And whoever invented the Bob haircut.

PET PEEVE: My sister Edith

IF I WERE REINCARNATED, I’D COME BACK AS: Cleopatra or Cruella de Vil


MY IDEAL MATE: My ideal mate will be fabulously handsome and unafraid of strong-willed, occasionally moody women. And he will have an obscenely large (ahem) income.

The six seasons of Downton Abbey – Masterpiece is available through the member benefit THIRTEEN Passport.